The Hearing
by Luiz4200
Summary: What would happen if the O.W.C.A. decided Doofenshmirtz wasn't worth the trouble of stopping him?


**Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb or any character from the series.**

**The Hearing**

_Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated_

Heinz Doofenshmirtz was trying to pick a target for his petty revenge of the week when someone rang the doorbell. "Registered letter to Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz!" Doof heard someone announce. After taking the letter and thanking the mailman, he read the letter.

_Dear Dr. Doofenshmirtz,_

_ The O.W.C.A. is holding a meeting at noon this day to decide if you're enough of a threat to warrant sending an agent to stop you. If you think we're mistaken, please show up at the meeting and make your case._

"How dare they?" Heinz Doofenshmirtz asked in outrage.

"How dare who do what, Dad?" Vanessa Doofenshmirtz asked.

"The O.W.C.A. believes I'm not enough of a threat to have one of their agents trying to stop me." He explained. "Can you believe that?"

"Yes."

"Very funny, Vanessa." Doofenshmirtz said with the same sincerity he usually shows whenever he stated what an unexpected surprise Perry the Platypus' presence usually is. "And, by funny, I mean it's _NOT _funny at all! I'll show them Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz is not to be underestimated."

"Wouldn't it be easier to simply let them leave you alone so your plans won't be stopped?" Vanessa suggested.

"Who respects an evil scientist no secret agent wants to stop?" He asked. "I need an enemy to show my value."

Meanwhile, at the Flynn-Fletcher household, a pair of stepbrothers is missing their pet platypus. "Where's Perry?"

Perry was now in conference with Major Francis Monogram. "Agent P, this is one of the worst crisis we're facing." Major Monogram stated. "My superiors believe the Evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz is not enough of a threat to warrant sending any agent to stop him. I could understand if they wanted a less talented agent on Doofenshmirtz so you'd be reassigned to a bigger threat but leaving Doofenshmirtz without anyone to stop him is too far. We're going to the O.W.C.A. special meeting room. Carl!"

"Yes, Major."

"We'll need some snacks for the meeting and don't let my superiors waiting. They hate waiting."

Heinz and Vanessa arrived at the O.W.C.A. meeting place. "Welcome, Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Miss Doofenshmirtz. These are my superiors."

"Why am I only seeing silhouettes of them?" Doof asked.

"They're obscure characters." Major Monogram explained.

"Heinz Doofenshmirtz, we deem you not enough of a threat to have one of our agents stop you." One of the superiors stated. "Do you deny this?"

"Yes."

"Then we'll show proof. Roll dog biscuit clip."

Everyone then was treated to a video of the time Heinz Doofenshmirtz tried to use a giant dog biscuit to get rid of his neighbors' dogs. _"Oh, who needs him? He never does anything until after I tell him my plans. He just stands there like a potted plant. __(pauses, then notices a potted plant)__ In fact... __(places a folded newspaper hat on the plant)__ Ah, Planty the Potted Plant. How unexpected! __(pushes a button)__ I'd invite you to foil my latest scheme, __(a rope comes down from a vent)__ but I can see you're all tied up. __(Planty gets captured)__ You see, I don't even need Perry the Platypus."_

Doofenshmirtz then gave Perry a sheepish smile. "Perry the Platypus, I can explain!" He pleaded like a spouse accused of infidelity. Perry rolled his eyes.

The video was then fast-forwarded to another scene. _"Well, Planty the Potted Plant. Pretty clever, huh? __(pauses, then pushes Planty away)__ Don't give me that look. Prepare to launch... __(Planty swings back, hitting Doofenshmirtz on the head)__ Hey, how did you do that? __(gets hit on the head again)__ Ow! Ow! Come out in the open while I... Oof! Ow!  
__(dogs barking)"_

"Hahahahahahahahahaha. Sorry, but I can't see that without finding it funny." Major Monogram stated.

"Well, at least my name isn't Francis." Doofenshmirtz retorted.

"At least the people who pick up my orders can remember my name." Major Monogram snapped back.

"Silence!" The superiors ordered.

"_Well, Planty the Potted Plant. You have proven yourself quite the adversary. Why don't we just... call this one a draw?"_

"The point we make here is that we don't need to send any agents to stop you because you'll find a way to stop yourself."

"It was just that time." Doofenshmirtz argued.

"Then how do you explain your failure in destroying the adult diaper factory?"

_Doofenshmirtz was about to destroy said factory with his eulg when he unwittingly poured it on his own airplane. "__Curse you Perry the Platypus even though you weren't a part of this scheme whatsoever!" He quickly shouted._

"Fine, but don't forget about when Perry the Platypus foiled my plan to use the Least-Likely-Inator to make my brother make a fool out of himself."

"Actually, Agent P was dragged into a pet wash back then." The superiors stated. "You fought a platypus that had no prior training whatsoever and only cared about sandwiches."

"Come on, you can't expect me to believe a rookie would know stuff like the Singapore Crab or the Marsh Maneuver." Doof pleaded.

"He didn't. You just assumed he was using them." They replied.

"Mr. Doofenshmirtz…"

"_Doctor_ Doofenshmirtz!" Doof corrected.

"Bought titles don't count, _Mister_ Doofenshmirtz. And how did Agent P react when you told him you were insulting whales?"

"He, he, he simply left as if I wasn't being evil enough to deserve being stopped."

"And instead of resuming your insult wave, you went after Agent P to ask him to stop you, once again showing we don't have to send anyone to stop you."

"Come one, I've once tried to drill a tunnel to China." Doofenshmirtz pleaded.

"The only one you were a danger to back then was yourself."

"Fine, but what about when I tried to remove a beaver dam so my property would be at sea-level?" Doofenshmirtz asked with a triumphant look.

"Not only you overcomplicated things by creating yet another Inator instead of simply removing the wood manually but you also you forgot to consider the fact the town would have built a better dam had it been needed to prevent a goal like that."

"I've once faked an alien invasion to take over the Tri-State Area."

"Considering all the concessions you were giving the working class, it wouldn't be so bad."

"And what about that time I tried to melt all chocolate in Tri-State Area?"

"You deliberately delayed the button-pushing just to give Agent P a chance to stop you."

"I've tried to reverse Earth's rotation." Doofenshmirtz insisted. "Twice."

"That plan was doomed from the start and the only reason you believe it would work the second time was the fact you changed the invention's names."

Another superior intervened. "In fact, your role in the mission when Agent P went to stop the Regurgitator makes us believe you're more of a hero than a villain."

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Doof yelled.

"And your plan to defy the laws of gravity was stopped not by us, but by regular police. We don't need to stop you."

"Oh, yeah? And what about the time when I tried to erect a wall around the Tri-State Area?" Doof maliciously asked.

"You and which army would keep the authorities from tearing down that wall, Heinz Erect-Brick-Walls-Without-Cement Doofenshmirtz?"

"I-I-I I could build an army of robots." He hesitantly argued.

"You did! And you placed the self-destruct button at the sole of their feet, sparing us the trouble of stopping you."

"I won the Inator Creator First Prize at the latest convention."

"You won by default because your Inator destroyed Rodney's and the others' Inators were destroyed by our agents after _you_ helped them escape to gain time to finish building your Inator."

"A win is a win." Doof argued. "And I once stole Danville Lighthouse and took it to my home."

"It wasn't your intention to have it anywhere near you. You simply had no control. Removing it was easy after that. We don't need to stop you."

"I-I I can't that that anymore!" Doofenshmirtz cried. "You're right! I'm not enough of a threat to be stopped!" He ran away crying and then return. "Either way, may I have some snacks?"

"Oh, sure." Major Monogram said. Doofenshmirtz took some and then he and Vanessa left. Once they were out of hearing range, the superiors started celebrating, much to the confusion of Perry, Major Monogram and Carl. "This hearing was a trick to demoralize Doofenshmirtz and discourage him from evil. Now he'll stop for good."

"Or do something eviler than usual." Carl suggested in reply.

"Carl, don't jinx it!" Major Monogram ordered.

_Back at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated_

"Vanessa, we must hurry if we want to destroy the Organization Without a Cool Acronym before they reveal they're no longer trying to stop me!" Heinz Doofenshmirtz pleaded. "My Evil reputation depends on it!"

"How do you hope to do it, Dad?"

"When I decided to become evil, I knew it was a matter of time until a group of good guys decided to stop me, Vanessa." Doof explained. "To stop them, I've developed a (he then unveiled a missile) Guided-Missile-Inator!"

"And how do you plan to guide this missile…"

"Guided-Missile-Inator, Vanessa."

"Fine, the Guided-Missile-Inator. How do you plan to guide it to them, Dad?"

"I left a beacon to guide the Guided-Missile-Inator back at the O.W.C.A., Vanessa." Doof explained. "Now, let's take the Guided-Missile-Inator to the roof and launch it."

"Don't count me on, Dad." Vanessa said and then left. Unbeknownst to him, Major Monogram, Carl and Agent P were watching this through the cameras left at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated headquarters for Perry the Platypus' one hundredth mission. "As you see, Agent P, because Carl jinxed my superiors' plan to demoralize Dr. Doofenshmirtz, we now have to stop him from destroying our agency." Major Monogram said.

"Sir, I don't think…"

"Quiet, Carl. Haven't you already caused enough problems? Anyway, Agent P, you must find the homing beacon and then we'll teleport the both of you to Doofenshmirtz before the Guided-Missile-Inator is shot."

Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz had just finished setting the Guided-Missile-Inator's timer. "Nothing can stop it now!" He exclaimed. Then Perry the Platypus appeared there, attached the homing beacon to the building and glided his way out of the building. Realizing what happened, Doofenshmirtz tried to deprogram the Guided-Missile-Inator but it was too late and he suffered the explosion. "Curse you, Perry the Platypus! Hey, he stopped me. That means what I did was evil enough they decided to stop me. Yeah! The world is back to normal!"

**THE END**


End file.
